


She's all I have

by carmelitilla



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, Clarke's daughter, F/M, Family, Fear, Heart Break, Loss, Panic Attack, Stress, Terror, Things left unsaid, Wonkru, afraid of the future, bloodreina is scary, hopelessness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 04:18:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14927010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carmelitilla/pseuds/carmelitilla
Summary: Clarke is crumbling under the weight of her decision to bring Maddie to the bunker. In a rare moment of vulnerability, Bellamy sees just how terrified she is that Octavia now knows Maddie is a true nightblood.





	She's all I have

The wind is the same. It never changes. It sweeps up around her, caresses her cheeks. She closes her eyes. She wonders why she always finds herself back in this moment — stealing a secret, steadying breath found in the one constant of Earth, of this life.

It’s too short. Even as she pauses, the wind continues. It will carry the storm and then the night. Tomorrow will come.

The crisp clips of feet climbing stairs echo in the doorway behind her.

Clarke takes a deep breath. She hears the last whispers of the wind sigh away. The sounds of the some-800 people sheltered from it in the ruins below take up the quiet in its place.

“Clarke,” Bellamy says as he joins her at the top of the Commander’s tower. She wonders if it’s fair to call it that anymore. She tilts her head back and watches the grey sky churn above her.

“I’ve been looking all over for you,” he says slowing just outside the doorway. He hasn’t seen Clarke since Octavia made Maddie Wonkru. She’d pushed past him, said she had to tend to the girl’s hand. Then he’d been preoccupied finding Monty and then watching the eye, waiting for it to go down. He’d needed to know Echo was safe, but there’d been no updates. He was starting to think there wouldn’t be any. Either way, he’d realised he wasn’t helping anyone sitting in the bunker watching Monty watch monitors.

“Clarke,” he calls again.

She spares him a glance over her shoulder. Her eyes are heavily lidded, grey circles darkening under them. She hasn’t slept.

“What —” she clears her throat. “What is it, Bellamy?” she asks more gently.

Bellamy opens his mouth but thinks better of it. He crosses the uneven floor of the toppled tower, dodging blackened furniture and rubble.

“Maddie,” he says when he reaches her. “This morning I saw her training with —”

“I know.”

“You’re letting her train with Wonkru?” Bellamy sets his feet wide and rests his hand on his belt. “What happened to keeping her as far away from Octavia as possible?”

Clarke crosses her arms and looks back over the ruins of Polis.

“Am I missing something?”

Clarke looks at her feet.

“Clarke,” Bellamy grips her arm and turns her towards him. She avoids his eyes.

“Hey, look at me.”

Clarke sets her teeth before glaring up at him. He sees the tears in her eyes and his brow softens. He brings his other hand to rest on her arm but she pulls away.

“Don’t comfort me,” she says backing up further. She shakes her head and scoffs as her tears slip from her eyes. She looks up and wipes them away.

“What happened?”

“I never should have brought her here is what happened,” Clarke lashes out at him. She keeps shaking her head. “We should have stayed in the valley.”

“Clarke —“

“She made her Wonkru, Bellamy,” Clarke puts her head in her hands.

“Maybe that’s not such a bad thing, Clarke.” Bellamy extends his hand to her, trying to reassure her. “Octavia knows how much Maddie means to you,” he says. “Maybe she’s just looking out for her.”

“She said she didn’t need my protection anymore,” Clarke replies like she hasn’t heard him. She looks around wildly. “That she had hers.”

Bellamy swallows, buying time to think. His sister had changed, but he had to believe she was still good.

“What does that even mean?”

Bellamy takes a step towards her. “I don’t —”

“It didn’t sound like a promise, Bellamy. It sounded like she was —” Clarke takes a steadying breath ignoring that he’s within reach of her again. When she looks at him he’s close enough to see the terror behind her anger.

“It sounded like she was claiming her — like she was taking her —” Clarke’s voice breaks. “Like she was taking her away from me.”

Clarke raises shaking hands to press into her eyes. A sob catches in her throat and she’s too lost to fight Bellamy off when he wraps his arms around her. She clutches at his back, pushing and pulling, unsure what to do.

“She’s all I have,” she says around short gasping breaths.

Bellamy presses his cheek against her crown and glides his hand over her hair.

“Everyone was gone. We found each other,” she tells him. “I lost everyone. I’ve lost everyone but her.”

Bellamy squeezes her tighter. His heart breaks as he remembers the pain of losing her, the gnawing hole that threatened to swallow him when he thought she was gone.

“She’s all I have,” Clarke says again.

This pain is different, it’s sharper. Bellamy feels it just below where Clarke presses her brow into his breast. He’d thought he’d forgiven himself for leaving her, but how could he forgive himself for not being there for her? How could she?

“Hey,” he says, drawing her back.

Clarke looks at him, but she doesn’t see him. Her mind is cyphering through worst-case scenarios, contingencies, everything that could go wrong and will.

“We’ll figure it out,” he says. “Clarke, I promise.”

That gets her attention. Clarke refocuses on him, confused anyone would make promises in this world.

“We’ll get through this.”

Clarke shakes her head. “I hope you’re right.”


End file.
